I think we're going to be good at this. The audio quality sounds really good, and we do have some good banter moments. Perhaps... we listen to the first two... workshop some parts, and do it again?
Here's your story: Mel's Story
Some things are better, some things are not. I'm kinda at a... fuck it... let's post it and move on... kind of place with the intro. We can certainly try to film again and script it out a little more, but you're best when you're improving and generally your first take is the best and most authentic energy. There is a little artifact in your introduction that was part of the capture. I imagine it could be taken out, but that is beyond my current skillset, and see my current frame of mind above ↑.
It's your call though, and this feeling of frustration is more likely due to the computer problems I've been having (silver lining, I have an excuse to build a new computer!... in my spare time).
Here's the updated Patreon. There is still a compression artifact that I'll need to get rid of in the render, but that's just something I'll need to fix. 4K Clip (138 MB)
Opening is very strong and solid. People are laughing, and it feels like they are "warmed up" - makes me think we overthought the response to the song when you were 14.
The transitions between the characters the most recent time were seemless. The accents were steady through their lines.
Pacing is generally very well done. There are not any times the show feels like it drags.
You took a moment with British Mel and brought a moment of calm. That felt appropriate, and had me as the audience lean in just a bit more for that moment. Perhaps one or two more of these 15-30 second delays in the monologue could help?
List of thoughts I have in general
Possible punchline for Joel - "FINALLY! I'll have had a successful monagomous relationship!"
I feel the line, "No Fucking Way you're fucking another woman on my dime" could use more heat/vitriol/anger. You're extremely expressive and show a wide range of emotion throughout the piece, and in comparison this is quite low the way it's being delivered. This is one of the more humanizing moments of te piece to me, as it is likely the reaction 90% of women would have to this request. I've gleaned from conversations your thinking in this part is to show "how shitty" you were when you were cheating, but my take has been that you reacted the way you were "supposed to react" to your partner wanting another partner. Giving this moment more venom I think makes you more relatable. Not everyone is going to experience a woman squirting up their nose after all, but most people experience that kind of jealousy.
Joni being a 36 year old yoga instructor feels like good information but doesn't seem to be landing with the audience. Could be Fresno. I wonder if presenting that information along with "rising along side the bed is a naked Joni... a naked 35 year old... toned... delicious... yoga instructor... Joni... Let me go brush my teeth." I generally prefer to be as subtle as possible, so this also forshadows the cliche, without necessarily spelling out the cliche. It also invites us to imagine more what it would be like to have a sexy hot woman wake you up in the middle of the night.
Portrayal of Cliff feels less than neutral, and perhaps borderline negative. I know you enjoy him, but the demeanor is so close to He's Not Into You guy and so I'm making the association that he's less than excited to be with you.
Here's the video of you posting the fliers. You can download it and post it to FC if you'd like. I'll work on the Teaser video later this afternoon, hopefully we can get it up before your first show, but definitely by the end of the day.
Patreon Video Draft 1 - 4K Download
February 18, 2019
First Draft of Patreon Video... Still needs logo/branding, and Call to Action. CTA can be a text thing for now, or we can record a snippet for that next time we get together. Patreon Video Draft 1 - 4K Download
February 9, 2019
Here's my favorite moment captured so far. It definitely gives me hope I'll be able to pull it off! 4K Download Clip